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Good Samaritan

November 24th, 2011 | Posted by sweet in D.C. Life - (0 Comments)

I loved magical books as a child—the Narnia books, Edgar Eager, Madeline L’Engle. I so wanted to open a door and step into something altogether different from the life I lived each day. There were years when I believed that it just might happen, that it was possible that given the right moment and the right door, I could step into a closet and find instead of the mundane clothes something else, altogether new.

Last week, very shortly after I posted about how I had to be dragged into being a good Samaritan and helping a woman get her dog in the car—after she had apparently been unsuccessful for AN HOUR AND A HALF!!!—my bike malfunctioned half way through my commute to a training I was expected to be at 15 minutes later. The 15 minutes that would easily have been enough to get there on my bicycle melted away at an alarming rate as I stood on the sidewalk, my bike upside down in front of me, ineffectually poking at levers and bolts.

The rear wheel had first rubbed increasingly on the brake and then, I guess when I turned it over to try to fix that, had slipped out of its place on the frame altogether. There was no way to ride—or even roll—the bike unless I could get the rear wheel back into position, and there was an attachment on the rear wheel for my son’s bike trailer that only my husband had ever attached and detached and that I could not figure out. (I know, I know, as a regular bike commuter I should know how to do these things.) In any case, I stood there helplessly in my button down shirt and slacks, my hands smudged with bike grease. Other bike commuters whizzed by me down the street without stopping (not that I expected them to stop—I surely wouldn’t have), my husband had lost his cell phone and was not at home, so I couldn’t call him to ask him to talk me through what to do, I hadn’t brought a lock with me since I was planning to leave the bike in a locked bike area in the building’s garage, and I was still a couple of miles from the training.

And then, a man with long dreadlocks walked over with two large dogs—Bosco and Valentino—a black lab and a white giant poodle. The dogs bounced around us as he took a look at my bike. He couldn’t figure out what to do either, so he said, “Do you want to leave your bike in my house? It’s right over there,” and waved at a group of small row houses behind him.

I demurred for about three seconds before taking him up on the offer. He, the dogs, and I crossed the street to his house, me carrying my upside down bike, the rear wheel resting out of its place in the frame. And when he opened the door to his small row house, I had that feeling, that I had been released from the expected and entered into a different way of being. The front room—the only room I saw—was small, with a simple hard wood floor, and held two bikes on a stand against one wall, paintings that were both bright and peaceful, a small chandelier with slender brass arms in the front window, a low table with a large glass bowl of colorful marbles on it, and little else. It was so simple, so lovely. The dogs meandered in and out as I settled my bike carefully along the free wall. The man gave me his card, and I said I’d call him later and abandoned my bike and ran over to the metro and made it to my training just a little late.

That evening I brought my son with me to pick up the bike, along with a bottle of wine. My son carried a couple of toy cars with him into the house, and when he showed them to our Good Samaritan, the man went into the back of his house and came out with a little VW bus, which he gave to my son. We had come to collect my bike, which this man had let me leave in his house all day—and he gave us something new to take home with us.

I’ve thought of this often in the days since. In fact, I find that just picturing that front room calms me, encourages me to trust that what I need is out there, and that somehow, unexpectedly, a door will open. There have been other remarkable Good Samaritan moments in my life—a guy who stopped and helped fix a flat tire along a highway, an employee of a rental car agency at an airport that, when due to a logistical mix-up we got stuck 80 miles from where we needed to be actually drove us there when his shift ended even though it was out of his way. And beyond that there have been those people who with a generous spirit have guided me through critical moments that changed the way I viewed myself and the world forever. My outdoor education teachers in high school, for example, who not only taught me specific skills for some of the most fantastic adventures of my life—white water kayaking, hiking, and backpacking—but also provided me the vision I needed to stop caring so much what my peers thought of my choices and to start looking for what was meaningful to me. On this Thanksgiving I’m feeling special gratitude for these Good Samaritans in the small sense and large, and hoping I can work to be more like them—more open to those who need something I have to offer, more willing to pass forward the generosity that has been shown to me.

Last weekend my cousin was in town, and we had dinner plans with my parents, but in spite of the fact that it had taken us a long time to get out of the house after all the afternoon naps, I wanted to take my cousin and the kids to the park for a brief walk along the creek in the early evening light with the leaves at peak color, and so I pulled into the parking lot planning to hustle everyone out and down along the path.

By the time I got the kids out of the car, my husband was holding onto a strange dog’s leash, deep in conversation with a woman I’d never seen before. The dog, a burly, broad shouldered, sway-backed lab mix with a brilliant blue black coat and a broad, snubbed forehead and snout, was wagging its tail as my husband coaxed it towards him. I did not immediately go over. I wanted to get our walk in and was hoping my husband would conclude whatever this was and come towards us. But he didn’t.

It turned out that the woman had turned to him in tears as soon as he got out of the car—offered to give him her dog—“DO YOU WANT THIS DOG?”—and told him she’d been trying unsuccessfully to get her dog back in the car after a walk—for an hour and a half!!!

Being the natural good Samaritan that he is, he was giving it a valiant try. He suggested that the woman get in the car and start it, thinking that the revving of the car engine would convince the dog it was time to go. The woman backed her car up slightly and my husband coaxed the dog towards the car and almost got it to jump in when the dog balked, utterly refusing to move forward. Clearly, at that moment, it had decided it would rather lead the nomadic life we were apparently offering it than get in the car with its owner.

The woman got out of her car and when my husband asked, assured us the dog would not bite—she said it had never bitten anyone before—and so my husband tugged harder, but the dog was big enough and low enough to the ground that when it set its shoulders and dug in, it couldn’t be dragged.

Reluctantly, after much badgering by my husband about how here was my chance to show off all my dog training practice for a practical result–more practical to his mind than finally getting Cholula to play tug of war –I left my cousin and kids and my plans for a quick walk along the creek and came over. (My husband claims I was as reluctant to offer up my dog training assistance as the dog was to get in the car.) The woman had some kibble she’d been trying to tempt the dog with, so I took a handful and got the dog to follow me as I backed up towards the car, doing my best to entice it with a prey-like manner as I waved the kibble for added motivation–and indeed, the dog came forward as I backed up as if indeed I was exerting a magnetic pull that might overcome the fear of the car until–just as for my husband—the dog got within a foot of the car and balked.  This time, though, my husband lifted the dog up from behind just at that moment and shoved it into the car. Whereupon I reached in and gave it the kibble.  It ate happily, as if all the trouble had been for nothing.  

The woman was very grateful. I recommended she look up natural dog training on the Internet, and she drove off with her dog.  I hope they are working things out.  And we went up along the creek after all, a little ways.

Tug, Baby, Tug

November 4th, 2011 | Posted by sweet in Natural Dog Training - (2 Comments)

Recently, dog-trainer Kevin Behan wrote on his website—“I’ve never taught any of my dogs not to bite. I taught them what to bite.”

It’s such a Kevin statement—provocative, counterintuitive—and so right it sent shivers down my spine. In part because when I first got my shelter dog Cholula, I couldn’t get her to bite anything—she would barely even bite her food—and in this state of extreme aversion to biting anything I offered, she did bite—and put puncture wounds in—a tiny white dog walking by our house.

When I visited Kevin in Vermont this summer to work with him on Cholula’s dog aggression problems, I realized that an important part of dog training is problem solving. That sounds ridiculously obvious when I write it down—what I mean is that I realized that an important part of effectively problem solving the big problems that cause an owner to bring their dog to a professional dog trainer in the first place is at least in key part a matter of solving any number of little problems that have vexed the owner (i.e., me) in trying to solve their dog’s particular issues.

For example, natural dog training relies a lot on tug of war as a way to get your dog to bite something appropriate and invest all of its energy in playing with its owner (let the dog win!) From reading natural dog training and naturaldogblog and talking to Kevin, I knew I should get Cholula to play tug. I don’t want to think about how much money I paid for all the dog toys that ended up piled up in a cabinet in our yard—rope toys, fluffy toys, rubber toys, squeaky toys, realistic toys, absurdist toys—which I’d bought to tempt Cholula, but the dog would not tug. In Vermont, even Kevin didn’t get much of a reaction from Cholula when he tried to tempt her with a stuffed animal. And, as I’ve written about before, although his rope work with her had amazing results in reducing Cholula’s charge towards other dogs, he never got her to tug on the rope as other dogs he worked with did while I was there, and as he likes the dog to do as a positive step in its rehabilitation.

But I’d brought Cholula’s one beloved toy with me to Vermont to show Kevin—a battered but still whirring zu zu pet. As I’ve written before, she had adopted a zu zu pet that was given to one of the kids and started carrying it around gently in her mouth, sleeping with it, nosing it when it whirred and clicked next to her when she bumped against it while snoozing. When she was happy to see us at the end of the day, she’d lope around the living and dining room until she found the zu zu pet to bring us as a greeting. And I’d found that I could tease her with the zu zu pet and get her to chase me in the house and the yard—I’d snatch the zu zu pet from her and race away from one end of the house to the other or one end of the yard to the other—and she would run after me in great excitement, jump on me with about the highest level of energy she was willing to give me at the time, and gently pluck the zu zu pet out of my hands. Over and over. It was the closest I’d gotten to any kind of tug from her at all.

As soon as I pulled the zu zu pet out of the bag to show Kevin, he said, “tie a rope around that and see if you can get her to tug it.”

zu zu pet plus rope equals tug toy for Cholula

And so, after our trip to Vermont, I tied a rope around the zu zu pet, and sure enough, Cholula started to tug. With vigor. On a recent camping trip with the family, we ended up at the last available site—right next to the playground and on the way to the restrooms—and Cholula got anxious (tense ears, barking) at all the people walking right by where we had settled. And so I pulled out her tug toy, and she tugged. And stopped fretting about the people. These are a couple of photos from that morning, taken by my daughter—I love the crazy pose in the last shot (also a good image of her lion nails).

Cholula bites the toy

Cholula Really Tugs

And, in case you’re still interested, my daughter shot a short video of our playing tug at a park this evening. I can’t tell you how much progress this shows—this was a park I haven’t taken her to recently, with dogs walking up and down around us—and still, she tugged—with vigor! And I hope you see as I do in the little clip her puppy energy glimmering in her wagging tail and playful pawing. I’m so glad to be catching that puppy in her at last—I so know she needs to fully integrate that squashed down puppy inside her heart to truly heal.

I’ve also been thinking about the tug as it relates to my own life. What do I glance away from, refuse to engage in, avoid, that really, I should grab onto and pull with all my might? I’m not ready to reveal where these thoughts are taking me yet, but I’m thinking them.